Chelsea Handler's Words Of Wisdom

So fuck Oprah and her stupid advice on it being ok to tip less than 15% during this recession. But hooray for Chelsea Handler and her awesome show Chelsea Lately on E! When I heard what she said, it was like hearing God himself let me into heaven. Okay, maybe not but still score one for the service industry. In her words "you should always over-tip!" Hell yeah you should and Chelsea Handler, you are my new hero and I will buy you dinner anytime if you ever come in. This is the kind of advice that should be given especially during this recession because people are eating out less, demanding more, and tipping a whole lot less so we servers aren't paying our bills in a timely manner. Thank you Chelsea Handler for your support and sticking up for us grunts!

Old Lady Bitch

To the wonderful old lady and her family from Kansas that made my life so enjoyable I want to say: FUCK YOU!!! You walk into my restaurant and demand to be seated right away. You then proceed to try and make so many substitutions to your dish that it no longer resembles what the dish is meant to be. For the rest of the time you sat and ate, I will admit you weren't any trouble but that was until you wanted the check. You yell at us for the check and I knew you were going to stiff me otherwise why would you have thrown money into the checkbook and ushered your family so quickly out the door. When I say family, all seven people was over the age of 21.

So here's where the drama starts. As she is rushing everyone out, I grab the checkbook and note that she shorted the tab by $30.00. Um ok, you seemed like the type that wouldn't tip but I didn't think you weren't going to pay your tab. So I'm counting the money at my counter while talking to another customer and notice four twenties and a ten dollar bill. The customer I'm talking to is wondering why I keep counting and I fly out the door mid sentence. I catch the old lady bitch's grand daughter 20 feet away and she calls grandma. Everyone else sees me and continues to walk around the corner.

Before I get a word out, old lady bitch says to me "I gave you enough money." Um, ok you don't know why I'm out there stopping you but you say you gave me enough...yeah clear admission of guilt. Then you claim you gave me five twenties and a ten, still not enough to cover your bill. So you throw a twenty in my face and try to walk away. I stop you again, and ask for the rest of the money that you never gave me and get a five thrown in my face. So just to make a point, I say she's only tipping $2 and some change and she scowls "that's because I gave you plenty already." I'm not a thief or a liar so why would I claim you didn't pay enough when you did?

So I get another five about to be thrown in my face but I grab her hand and dare her to throw it. Guess her senses came back because it wasn't. I wished her a good rest of her vacation, make sure her grand daughter is proud of her behavior, and say her picture is going to be spread around town with the news of her sudden onset of Alzheimer's and hopes she gets the special sauce everywhere she eats.

Mind you this incident was a lot worse than I wrote but some time has passed and I can forgive. That is until the damn grand daughter or niece wrote to one of those online reviews and fabricated everything that happened. Remember, I had a witness to the entire thing standing there who saw the 4 twenties and a ten. So she lied about the food being "nasty" and "rotten." How nasty was my restaurant when you boxed up every last morsel of food? Your own grand daughter asked for a box for her two pieces of onion and potato. Rotten huh. And then you call me nasty things for running after you to get more money because you accuse me of stealing. But then you claim that you now left $130, the amount just keeps rising. People like you make me hate my job and I should steal but why would I steal just $20.

So keep up with the lies old lady and blame it on Alzheimer's or old age but you know the truth and your family knows. For all I know you could have miscounted your money but that never crossed your mind. Best of all, you took down your posting two weeks later...guilt set in maybe? In time I believe you will get what you deserve and I hope its just as bad as I see it in my head.

Euro Trash

So this goes out to the Euro-Trash. I'm sure the Euros call us Americans trash when we visit their countries, but you in my neck of the woods so I can call you what I want. It isn't just the Euros that do this but tonight there happened to be quite a few Euros and so I'm going to pick on you. Now when you decide to come to America, or anywhere for the matter, you do research on the area you want to visit. Well, every tourist book indicates that TIPS ARE NOT INCLUDED so why don't you tip?! Then you try to play the dumb tourist who doesn't know any better when you do, your just cheap. I'd rather you just say you were cheap. And whats worse is that I've never been to Europe but I know that you get paid wages that include tip. Not to mention the Euro is worth more than the dollar. Sure you could blame the government, blame the system that we get paid what we do but thats a part of our custom here. You want to visit our country and see/learn new things, then let me teach you that you need to tip and not just a dollar either!

Dumb Mail Order Bride

So I'm a waitress in a small resort town and I've been at it a good chunk of my life. I see all kinds of people each and every day but theres always that one bitch/asshole that ruins your day. Today I had the mail order bride from hell. I'm not racist so when I say she was Korean its only to describe her and give you an idea of how far this gold digger got to travel with her new husband. I'm just call her bitch. Bitch entered my workplace a few days ago and claimed to be a vegetarian so she ordered a salad. Mind you this salad is usually prepared non-veggie but this restaurant created a vegan version of the dressing. So out comes the salad and two minutes later its sent back because it smelled funny and tastes weird. The chef, irritated she sent something back, made the regular version of the salad and sent it out. Guess what? "Mmm, its good!" Then she eats half her husbands chicken dish...guess vegetarian in Korea means something else.

Today, the bitch walks in and complains about parking despite my explaining to her where she can park. She calls me over wanting to order and I'm standing there waiting for the coast guard to fish me out of the water because I'm drowning in her demands. I want this but with this sauce and these veggies, made this way blah blah blah. Ever think the dish was created a certain way for a reason and that menus descibe things because thats how its made?! No chef wants to be told to make something your way except for the King (Burger King for you dummy's). Ten minutes later she finally decides on her dish and off all things its beef. Then as I walk away she yells after me to make it with "less sauce." Ok, request in and dish comes out exactly how she wanted it: less sauce. No more than two steps away from her table "I asked you for less sauce, this too much sauce." Eye roll!

"Ma'am that is less sauce"
-No I ask you less sauce this too much sauce. Go make less sauce
"Ma'am the only way to make less than that is for the cheff to cook it off, is that ok with you?"
-Yeah, go go too much sauce

Bring out the same exact beef with very little sauce and "what this, I ask less sauce this no sauce." Bitch!

"Ma'am, I explained the chef can only cook off the sauce and he did just that. You said ok when I asked if thats what you wanted"
-No too much sauce I ask for less sauce this not less, where my sauce
"That is double less sauce than the original way the dish is. You wanted less, I said they would have to cook it off and you agreed it was ok
-No I don't like. I don't pay.
"Yes you will, you ordered it this way"
-No I no pay and you no service me

This goes on for 15mins and I get to frustrated because she isn't listening to a damn word nor will she let me get in a word. I finally tell her to let me talk and she ain't hearing anything I'm saying. The entire time her husband is putting his head down and when I finally walk away he tells her you asked her for it that way so thats what she gave you.

Needless to say she tried to argue out of paying, but I compromised and charged her half. I felt bad for the husband but then again, you went for a gold digging bitch ass girlfriend so you got what you deserve. The best part was telling her "you are no longer welcome here!"

FUCK OPRAH!

So I just heard through a friend that Oprah thinks its okay for people to tip less than 15% during these hard times. Unless she is going to write me a check to cover my lost wages, shut the fuck up Oprah! So the $2/hour I end up making after waiting on people and bending ass backwards plus the wonderfully less than stellar tip guideline she offers is going to pay my bills each month. People already think they can tip me less when they walk in, but now I'm going to see even less with this dumbass running her mouth.