This goes out to people who think they can barge into a restaurant, demand a table for their large group, and fuss over the accommodations. This is especially dedicated to the woman who had a party of 17 that were "ready" but had not left the hotel just yet. Yes, I said you can have the tables with ONE condition: You had one hour to dine and leave so I got my tables back for people who had reservations. Yeah its crappy that I had to put a time limit on your dinner, but you are taking up 75% of my restaurant and if I'm going to honor people who had the genius idea of making a reservation, unlike like your dumb ass, you got 60 minutes.
So when you sit down, do you bother to look at the menu? Do you bother to call your friends? Better yet, as the spokeswoman for your table, do you bother to tell anyone else you have a time limit? Of course not, because in your head you think since you got the table you can sit for as long as you like and everything will be okay. So when I mention you have 40 minutes left, haven't ordered, and only 3/17 are present, I am going to tell you that times running out and that makes me the bad guy.
Yes I want your business, but not at the expense of losing those who do the smart thing because they have larger parties as well. So when your husband says you will dine elsewhere my feelings aren't hurt one bit because you are the dumb ass bitch that sat there quietly when I explained to him the same condition I did to you: ONE HOUR. So no, he wasn't upset with me, but for you to snap at me as you walk out as though you didn't know and that I threw you out, no I didn't. You still had 35 minutes 2o seconds till I threw your dumb, motherfucking ass out my door!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, August 17, 2009
Campers
To the people out there who like going to 3hour dinners: stop taking up my table because I'm not making any money with you sitting there all night long. You people know who you are and sometimes I think you do it intentionally. Its different when you go to a restaurant that's fine dining, Korean bbq, shabu shabu, or even sushi at times. Those types of cuisines are meant to take time and you pay more because of it. You don't go to Subway or McDonalds and spend three hours talking. So when I have a wait out the door and you've been sitting chatting for over 30minutes past paying the check, you can expect me to tell your ass to go. I'm losing money the longer you sit there because I can't turn the table. I've told the owners to start charging $50/dish but that's unrealistic for what we serve.
Go to a bar or coffee shop if you want to catch up. If there isn't a wait, then sure stay. But the moment the establishment needs your table, finish your conversation and get the hell out!
Go to a bar or coffee shop if you want to catch up. If there isn't a wait, then sure stay. But the moment the establishment needs your table, finish your conversation and get the hell out!
Cheap Asshole
So this goes out to another fucking cheap ass. Its a crazy busy night and it doesn't help when a party of 10 reservation doesn't show up on time. Due to their inconsiderate asses, we had a wait going and being a tiny restaurant any table larger than 5 required a wait. So this family keeps trying to see if they can have the table that is reserved and are being denied. After waiting 20 minutes past their reservation time, the family is awarded their table. Then they order and I explain that our dishes are spicy but they want it very spicy. Okay.
After tasting their soup, the complaints on spiciness roll out. I have the chef adjust the dishes but the spice is lingering in their mouths so as the eat their entrees they still think its spicy. Mind you they are eating their soups at the same time so duh its the soup that's spicy. Then they scrap all the rice and sauce to eat so that there is nothing left. Even the teenage son takes his finger and begins swiping off sauce from his plate to his mouth. They even go so far as to tell the table next to them how wonderful the food is and that they want to come back. Ha!
Check comes and I felt bad they waited so long so as a concession I didn't auto-gratuity them. When he gives me the credit card slip I mention the tip wasn't included and he said okay but kept walking out the door. So I asked was there anything wrong with the service?
-"No, I didn't want to tip."
Um okay, why if there was nothing wrong?
-"I didn't like the food, it was horrible."
So I yell out the door, "you ate everything and wanted to come back." Good luck with that. They guy they were talking to couldn't believe what an ass he was and went to say something himself. Whatever, he's a cheap piece of shit and I hope he tries to come back and dine. Needless to say, the auto gratuity is going on every larger tables check due to this rotten apple.
After tasting their soup, the complaints on spiciness roll out. I have the chef adjust the dishes but the spice is lingering in their mouths so as the eat their entrees they still think its spicy. Mind you they are eating their soups at the same time so duh its the soup that's spicy. Then they scrap all the rice and sauce to eat so that there is nothing left. Even the teenage son takes his finger and begins swiping off sauce from his plate to his mouth. They even go so far as to tell the table next to them how wonderful the food is and that they want to come back. Ha!
Check comes and I felt bad they waited so long so as a concession I didn't auto-gratuity them. When he gives me the credit card slip I mention the tip wasn't included and he said okay but kept walking out the door. So I asked was there anything wrong with the service?
-"No, I didn't want to tip."
Um okay, why if there was nothing wrong?
-"I didn't like the food, it was horrible."
So I yell out the door, "you ate everything and wanted to come back." Good luck with that. They guy they were talking to couldn't believe what an ass he was and went to say something himself. Whatever, he's a cheap piece of shit and I hope he tries to come back and dine. Needless to say, the auto gratuity is going on every larger tables check due to this rotten apple.
Stupid Vegetarian!
Okay, I've heard some pretty dumb requests in my line of work but never something this blatantly stupid. So just the other day in walks in a family of four, all adults yet each with the brain capacity of a five year old...that's being generous. I walk over and see if they are ready to order and the daughter, who is probably in her twenties, makes a fuss over not being ready. Okay, give you more time that's cool no need to scowl at me. Five minutes later I go back and offer to answer any questions. Big mistake. The say they are vegetarian and order a salad minus everything but the lettuce and tofu. Then they wanna add papaya to their salad and I say no that can't be done.
The daughter now wants herself heard and again scowls and remarks that people she met told her that my restaurant accommodates special diets. I reply that we do but only to a certain extent just as every other restaurant. There's only so much we can do before the dish tastes like ass and not what its intended to be. Then she tells me the most ridiculous, outlandish, plain old stupid comment ever!
-"I don't eat anything that grows out of the ground, but I'm a vegetarian."
WTF?! Mental eye roll/forehead slap. Naturally my response would've been what the hell do you eat stir fried air? But I walk away and say I'm give them a few more minutes to talk it over. The parents and brother are so annoyed with her and her stupid comments that they begin to reprimand her for making me walk away a third time to the point where she starts to cry. I just smile, it was pretty funny. So I trek my way back and now the brother finally speaks up and says they can't eat rooted veggies...he meant anything thats a root i guess. So the bitch speaks up again and says how so many people told her we would accommodate her special diet and I tell her I have no idea who these people are but I represent the restaurant and as I stated before there is only so much we can do.
It became an ordeal since she just wasn't listening and worse when she says they can't eat garlic or ginger. I tell them that with our receipes those are the two main ingredients and that a few dishes can be made without, however we can't guarantee the dish will taste the same without the two. Bitch starts yelling at me again about how she got so many testimonials and I say the same thing like a broken record. Finally, 20 minutes later I get sick of it all and acknowledge her "special" diet and say if she feels we can't live up to her expectations she is more than welcome to leave and dine somewhere that is more accommodating. She starts shouting that every restaurant is more than accommodating except me. Hello!!! Asian and pan-Asian cuisine requires garlic and ginger for 90% of the dishes you dumb bitch. Go eat at your surf and turf restaurants where you can only eat steam veggies or salad. Oh wait, you can't eat anything that grows out of the ground. Maybe you should start eating meat and get some protein in that pea size brain.
By the way, the rest of the family who was on that special diet ate everything and then some while praising how good the food was. Maybe you were adopted cuz you sure didn't belong in this family.
The daughter now wants herself heard and again scowls and remarks that people she met told her that my restaurant accommodates special diets. I reply that we do but only to a certain extent just as every other restaurant. There's only so much we can do before the dish tastes like ass and not what its intended to be. Then she tells me the most ridiculous, outlandish, plain old stupid comment ever!
-"I don't eat anything that grows out of the ground, but I'm a vegetarian."
WTF?! Mental eye roll/forehead slap. Naturally my response would've been what the hell do you eat stir fried air? But I walk away and say I'm give them a few more minutes to talk it over. The parents and brother are so annoyed with her and her stupid comments that they begin to reprimand her for making me walk away a third time to the point where she starts to cry. I just smile, it was pretty funny. So I trek my way back and now the brother finally speaks up and says they can't eat rooted veggies...he meant anything thats a root i guess. So the bitch speaks up again and says how so many people told her we would accommodate her special diet and I tell her I have no idea who these people are but I represent the restaurant and as I stated before there is only so much we can do.
It became an ordeal since she just wasn't listening and worse when she says they can't eat garlic or ginger. I tell them that with our receipes those are the two main ingredients and that a few dishes can be made without, however we can't guarantee the dish will taste the same without the two. Bitch starts yelling at me again about how she got so many testimonials and I say the same thing like a broken record. Finally, 20 minutes later I get sick of it all and acknowledge her "special" diet and say if she feels we can't live up to her expectations she is more than welcome to leave and dine somewhere that is more accommodating. She starts shouting that every restaurant is more than accommodating except me. Hello!!! Asian and pan-Asian cuisine requires garlic and ginger for 90% of the dishes you dumb bitch. Go eat at your surf and turf restaurants where you can only eat steam veggies or salad. Oh wait, you can't eat anything that grows out of the ground. Maybe you should start eating meat and get some protein in that pea size brain.
By the way, the rest of the family who was on that special diet ate everything and then some while praising how good the food was. Maybe you were adopted cuz you sure didn't belong in this family.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Chelsea Handler's Words Of Wisdom
So fuck Oprah and her stupid advice on it being ok to tip less than 15% during this recession. But hooray for Chelsea Handler and her awesome show Chelsea Lately on E! When I heard what she said, it was like hearing God himself let me into heaven. Okay, maybe not but still score one for the service industry. In her words "you should always over-tip!" Hell yeah you should and Chelsea Handler, you are my new hero and I will buy you dinner anytime if you ever come in. This is the kind of advice that should be given especially during this recession because people are eating out less, demanding more, and tipping a whole lot less so we servers aren't paying our bills in a timely manner. Thank you Chelsea Handler for your support and sticking up for us grunts!
Old Lady Bitch
To the wonderful old lady and her family from Kansas that made my life so enjoyable I want to say: FUCK YOU!!! You walk into my restaurant and demand to be seated right away. You then proceed to try and make so many substitutions to your dish that it no longer resembles what the dish is meant to be. For the rest of the time you sat and ate, I will admit you weren't any trouble but that was until you wanted the check. You yell at us for the check and I knew you were going to stiff me otherwise why would you have thrown money into the checkbook and ushered your family so quickly out the door. When I say family, all seven people was over the age of 21.
So here's where the drama starts. As she is rushing everyone out, I grab the checkbook and note that she shorted the tab by $30.00. Um ok, you seemed like the type that wouldn't tip but I didn't think you weren't going to pay your tab. So I'm counting the money at my counter while talking to another customer and notice four twenties and a ten dollar bill. The customer I'm talking to is wondering why I keep counting and I fly out the door mid sentence. I catch the old lady bitch's grand daughter 20 feet away and she calls grandma. Everyone else sees me and continues to walk around the corner.
Before I get a word out, old lady bitch says to me "I gave you enough money." Um, ok you don't know why I'm out there stopping you but you say you gave me enough...yeah clear admission of guilt. Then you claim you gave me five twenties and a ten, still not enough to cover your bill. So you throw a twenty in my face and try to walk away. I stop you again, and ask for the rest of the money that you never gave me and get a five thrown in my face. So just to make a point, I say she's only tipping $2 and some change and she scowls "that's because I gave you plenty already." I'm not a thief or a liar so why would I claim you didn't pay enough when you did?
So I get another five about to be thrown in my face but I grab her hand and dare her to throw it. Guess her senses came back because it wasn't. I wished her a good rest of her vacation, make sure her grand daughter is proud of her behavior, and say her picture is going to be spread around town with the news of her sudden onset of Alzheimer's and hopes she gets the special sauce everywhere she eats.
Mind you this incident was a lot worse than I wrote but some time has passed and I can forgive. That is until the damn grand daughter or niece wrote to one of those online reviews and fabricated everything that happened. Remember, I had a witness to the entire thing standing there who saw the 4 twenties and a ten. So she lied about the food being "nasty" and "rotten." How nasty was my restaurant when you boxed up every last morsel of food? Your own grand daughter asked for a box for her two pieces of onion and potato. Rotten huh. And then you call me nasty things for running after you to get more money because you accuse me of stealing. But then you claim that you now left $130, the amount just keeps rising. People like you make me hate my job and I should steal but why would I steal just $20.
So keep up with the lies old lady and blame it on Alzheimer's or old age but you know the truth and your family knows. For all I know you could have miscounted your money but that never crossed your mind. Best of all, you took down your posting two weeks later...guilt set in maybe? In time I believe you will get what you deserve and I hope its just as bad as I see it in my head.
So here's where the drama starts. As she is rushing everyone out, I grab the checkbook and note that she shorted the tab by $30.00. Um ok, you seemed like the type that wouldn't tip but I didn't think you weren't going to pay your tab. So I'm counting the money at my counter while talking to another customer and notice four twenties and a ten dollar bill. The customer I'm talking to is wondering why I keep counting and I fly out the door mid sentence. I catch the old lady bitch's grand daughter 20 feet away and she calls grandma. Everyone else sees me and continues to walk around the corner.
Before I get a word out, old lady bitch says to me "I gave you enough money." Um, ok you don't know why I'm out there stopping you but you say you gave me enough...yeah clear admission of guilt. Then you claim you gave me five twenties and a ten, still not enough to cover your bill. So you throw a twenty in my face and try to walk away. I stop you again, and ask for the rest of the money that you never gave me and get a five thrown in my face. So just to make a point, I say she's only tipping $2 and some change and she scowls "that's because I gave you plenty already." I'm not a thief or a liar so why would I claim you didn't pay enough when you did?
So I get another five about to be thrown in my face but I grab her hand and dare her to throw it. Guess her senses came back because it wasn't. I wished her a good rest of her vacation, make sure her grand daughter is proud of her behavior, and say her picture is going to be spread around town with the news of her sudden onset of Alzheimer's and hopes she gets the special sauce everywhere she eats.
Mind you this incident was a lot worse than I wrote but some time has passed and I can forgive. That is until the damn grand daughter or niece wrote to one of those online reviews and fabricated everything that happened. Remember, I had a witness to the entire thing standing there who saw the 4 twenties and a ten. So she lied about the food being "nasty" and "rotten." How nasty was my restaurant when you boxed up every last morsel of food? Your own grand daughter asked for a box for her two pieces of onion and potato. Rotten huh. And then you call me nasty things for running after you to get more money because you accuse me of stealing. But then you claim that you now left $130, the amount just keeps rising. People like you make me hate my job and I should steal but why would I steal just $20.
So keep up with the lies old lady and blame it on Alzheimer's or old age but you know the truth and your family knows. For all I know you could have miscounted your money but that never crossed your mind. Best of all, you took down your posting two weeks later...guilt set in maybe? In time I believe you will get what you deserve and I hope its just as bad as I see it in my head.
Euro Trash
So this goes out to the Euro-Trash. I'm sure the Euros call us Americans trash when we visit their countries, but you in my neck of the woods so I can call you what I want. It isn't just the Euros that do this but tonight there happened to be quite a few Euros and so I'm going to pick on you. Now when you decide to come to America, or anywhere for the matter, you do research on the area you want to visit. Well, every tourist book indicates that TIPS ARE NOT INCLUDED so why don't you tip?! Then you try to play the dumb tourist who doesn't know any better when you do, your just cheap. I'd rather you just say you were cheap. And whats worse is that I've never been to Europe but I know that you get paid wages that include tip. Not to mention the Euro is worth more than the dollar. Sure you could blame the government, blame the system that we get paid what we do but thats a part of our custom here. You want to visit our country and see/learn new things, then let me teach you that you need to tip and not just a dollar either!
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